early school days, femininity, how not to lose a friend, how to lose a friend, Mandy, true expression, what femininity isn't
A feminine woman is not confusing, deceitful, nor conniving, but is clear and transparent about her feelings, desires, and intentions.
She makes them known whether subtly or overtly, but either way, one can see her behavior, thoughts, and speech all harmonize with her true motives.
Of course we aren’t all born this way. Most of us must learn it… And as I look back to my early school days I realize I acted so unfeminine, that it shames me to this day.
I spent the whole day with my best friend Mandy at Disneyland as my mom kindly escorted us. We had a ball together! Here’s a picture of us below, Mandy is on the left:
When we returned to my home & waited for her mom to pick her up, I didn’t want her to go home. I was having so much fun with her I wanted her to stay with me. Yet being a child, I didn’t know how to articulate this maturely, so I came up with a ‘bright idea’ to keep her with me. I told her that her mom was ugly. Now I don’t even remember how her mom looked, but I’m sure she was really lovely looking. I may have said this to Mandy, but I certainly didn’t mean it. I just thought she would think, well if she is, then I’ll stay with my friend. Sometimes, kids can make no sense! My words, however, had a negative affect on her, as you might guess. She started crying so intensely that when her mom came to pick her up, she was still crying. I was sad that she had to go, and her mom probably thought her daughter had a horrible time with me. I don’t recall anymore outings with her after that.
I wish I understood at that time how to plainly say, ‘hey Mandy, I had so much fun with you today, that I’d be sad for you to leave now. Wanna sleep over?’
That would have prevented me from fabricating stuff, making her cry, and gave me what I really wanted: more time with her. So Mandy, wherever you are now, I am so truly sorry for hurting your feelings with a lie because of my inability to express my feelings at that time.
Reflecting on this, causes me to wonder how many women are still fabricating stuff to try and get what they desire from a man? This is not the feminine nor honest way.
If we haven’t learned already, we should train ourselves to express our true feelings and wants to others without blame, judgement, or guilt. We should intuitively wait for the right time, with the right attitude in the right tone of voice and choice of words to share our thoughts and desires with others.
This is a painful lesson I’ve learned with Mandy. For I lost the confidence & friendship with my then best friend in one minute with one wrong and false word, for a lifetime.
Have you had any similar experiences that you’ve now learned from, regarding the expression of your feelings? I would love to hear about it and learn from it as well.